Sunday, May 17, 2009

The world beyond me

I have seen my very clingy infant become more confident and independent -(although still 75% dependant instead of 95%), and my toddler become more independent and opinionated. It seems that they both have realized that there is a world outside of me. I was there all the time, facilitating their interactions, monitoring them and providing only the stimulation that I had or could bring them to. Now they see there is life beyond me, West New York, NJ and our home base. And I, just as much, have realized there is something more to my world beyond them. I can help people, I can comfort people, I can develop social and professional relationships, I can drive with the music loud, I can run outside and enjoy that feeling of limitless freedom that running can give me, and I am so valuable that someone wants to pay me and give me health care, to be me! And still, I am so needed when I arrive back home, that my infant hugs me, crawls to me, and my toddler calls for mama and runs to me (at home, or after 6 o'clock at day care). It has been a nice realization for all of us, and I think we have all blossomed as individuals in our own way. I like working and I like that I now can let go of the desire to rush back to my kids right after work and allow myself to enjoy exercise. Maybe God made Gabby flip out before 6pm so that I can be a well-rounded, more fulfilled mama, or so that my husband can take on another important role in their day. Who knows, but I still know my kids better than anyone, and we are all pretty darn happy.

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