Sunday, May 17, 2009
Work is still going really well. My one complaint so far is that if I get back to pick up my babies before about 6:00 or so, Gabby doesn't seem to want to see me. My thoughts without psychoanalyzing this is that she doesn't want to see me because when it's too early her friends haven't left yet. Her favorite friend leaves at 6, so I think she is ready to come home then. But I have to tell you, she puts up a major fuss when I try to pick her up early, and it is exhausting for me to deal with. I have had to literally drag her out of the place because she was having an all out throw down because she didn't want to leave - so I hold Marc in one arm and pull Gabby out kicking and screaming with the other- and it is not fun. Especially when I am excited to see them and excited to get back home at an early hour. Marc shares this excitement with me, but not Gabby.
I really had enough of this display by my daughter when I pick her up so on Wednesday when I got out early, I took my iPod and my sneakers and went for a run out and around my work- it was 68-70 degrees, sunny, breezy and wonderful. I had to give up something that was an important and enjoyable part of my life when I started working, and I had to majorly modify it in general when I had kids- so if my chick doesn't want to see me early, I will work out after work, regain that part of my life and have an enjoyable reunion everyday when I pick them up. I used to run so much, all over the place. I developed a relationship with all the locations in which I have lived by running there, because I am able to do while being driven by the wonderful endorphins that flow through me is to observe my surroundings. The trains, the buses, the cars the people, the stores, the garbage, the buildings, houses and the water. All these things become my friends and I endear to them all - I have never disliked any area that I have ran through.
Yes, Marc would like to see me earlier, but I'll be a nicer mother to both of them if everyone is nice to me. So Wednesday went well after my run, and Thursday it was raining and I didn't get out early enough to do that much so I went to get them and I said to my self, "I hope she goes easily". And she didn't. I and I have to admit, I was exhausted from this, not because of work but because I anticipated this reaction and it is so difficult. So I have this emotion that wants to just clock her sometimes, but since I can't do that, it had to get it out somehow, so I started to cry. We all sat in the car while I finished crying for about 2 minutes. Gaby was screaming saying "don't put me in the car seat" repeatedly, I was crying with my hand over my face so anyone else picking up their kid didn't think I was some mentally unstable mom who needs a referral, and Marc was nicely strapped in his seat looking at us like we were all nuts, "why is my sister screaming, I am happy to see mama. My car seat is nice too - it's like a gentle sedative. Why is mama sad? She was just smiling and hugging me." So anyway, I composed myself, went back and got her in her car seat and went home.
I called a women from the church group I used to go to who's opinion I value very much and she told me about a book to help parents communicate with their kids and to get out of them what they are thinking and feeling. So I ordered it online. I am open to anything that helps me learn and helps me be a better parent. But she said something so simple that we all learn in any counseling course, to say "that must be hard for you". Sometimes we hear too many suggestions to help the situation but all you want sometimes is for someone to acknowledge that it is hard for you. In that, I feel that 1. she understands what I am going through, 2. she agrees that it is hard, I know it is because I am the one doing it, but it is nice to know someone feels my pain 3. reminds me that in doing something hard and succeeding, which I am, I am pretty good :)
The woman from my church told me before I started working that my kids will likely be mad at me and seem as if they like their care givers more than me. Now I don't mind that they like their care givers - I think they should, but I do mind if they are mean to me. She thought Gabby's reaction is because she is angry with me because I left her, she doesn't understand why but knows that I was the one that did it. But when I told her about the difference between 5pm and 6pm, she agreed with my hypothesis about Gabby and her friends. When my husband picks them up, early or not, they are both happy. He thinks the different reaction is because it is a novelty to see him. He suggested that I come home to run where it is a bit safer and he can go pick them up. This works out great for me - he gets to have some happy times alone with them, I get to decompress before the little people take over the joint.
So anyway, my trial at this time, after 4 weeks of work, is figuring out the best way to keep everyone the happiest between the hours of 5 and 6, or just rambling on until time runs its course and everyone is happy on their own despite my new dreamed up arrangements.