First week of work

My first week of work went very good, I must say. By day 5, Marc didn't cry or so much as grunt when I dropped him off! And apparently throughout the day, he does drink my expressed milk that from a straw mostly, but he also drinks out of an open cup and a funky "breast-like" bottle. I enjoy being at work also - and believe it or not, I have more energy when come home in the evening than I did when I was home with the kids. Being a stay at home mom is work. And it is a different kind of work than working-work. It is mentally trying, which causes it to be more physically trying than it is meant to be. Being frustrated, or strained emotionally affects you physically and my comparison of work vs. mom-work is a perfect example. Though I do work with people and sick people mostly, I am able to separate myself from it emotionally. However, with my kids I am not. Another nice thing about being at work is that when I am there, work is what I am thinking of. It truly gets your mind off of the other things in your life that when they linger on your brain, cause you stress. Right now, my mind feels at ease when I am there. I know it is common for working moms to feel guilty about working and/or enjoying it, but I wonder, why should I feel guilty if I am more peaceful, more energetic and providing my kids with socialization that they seem willing and comfortable being handed over to? I have been home with my daughter for almost three years, and I have made an excellent foundation for her and my boy and I don't believe this child care situation will change that. As I said to my boss, I will not draw any generalizations until at least two weeks have passed because we all need to adjust to the "new normal". But so far, this arrangement is going very well.
I think it is very important to have faith in time. Time is powerful and healing and it cannot be rushed. I know this is my situation: I am going back to work, and I am leaving my kids for the vast majority of the day with a certified stranger. I know that this may seem like a painful realization to someone who has stayed home with her children and micromanaged everything in their life, which is the nature of a stay-at-home-mom. But I also know that time will make it less painful and time will make it work out so that mom and kids are pleased with the arrangement. So I am taking the position of deferring my emotional reaction until some time has passed so as to skip over any futile worry or sadness and get right to the satisfied contentedness of the situation. If I feel as if I maybe worrying, I remind myself that the temporary problem will resolve and my worry will be wasted energy. I also must say that this is probably easier for me than others and I am thankful for that and I like myself and the way my mind functions just fine.

Choosing child care

The second part of my decision to take that job is the child care I found. I looked at many formal schools and day care centers and when it seemed I was not fully satisfied with what I found, my sister-in-law reminded me that I should look into licenced providers that run a day care out of their home. So I consulted a local classified flyer and found a woman who cares for children out of her home along with a couple staff members. I found them to be nurturing, kind, yet structured and I believe they will foster the children's individual growth. The atmosphere seems very much like home and both my children will be in the same place, in the same room in fact. This may provide them with security and me with comfort when I am away. It is difficult to find childcare to satisfy each individual parent's needs and sometimes it must come down to necessity or convenience or logistics for them that trumps the quality of childcare. But when I said this is all meant to be - it seems I have found it all. And I have seen some facilities I wouldn't dream of putting my children in. Some questions to ask are the following:
- is there frequent staff turnover
- where do the meals come from, what beverages are served
- security of the facility and outdoor area
- napping conditions
- is the TV used, if so how often
- is hand washing enforced both in staff and children
- do they teach responsibility -cleaning up toys, putting food, etc. in garbage
- what are the hours, are they flexible
- remember morning traffic- it may make a short distance unreasonable
- are there other fees- registration, meals, back-up care for vacations/off-weeks from school
- ask for references from parents with existing kids enrolled there, they will either affirm your gut instinct or bring up other concerns you should work out first, or give another perspective
- does your child enter willingly, speak of their experience positively
- spend time with your child in the center/home and if you have the means, allow your child to spend a couple hours there alone before you start them full time
- does the center/home have an evacuation plan or emergency plan and transportation
- do they take field trips- if so how (on earth) is this executed
- speak with the specific teacher/care giver that will be with your child's age group
- try negotiating the cost, esp. with more than one child
Most importantly, walk inside. Spend some time there, listen to the interactions between staff and children and between the staff members, visit often at different times of the day. You will probably get a feeling, weather good or bad rather quickly, but all the "data collection" so to speak will help to make you more comfortable and confident when you are away.
When you are comfortable with where your kids are, you will be able to do your job well and continue to be a good mother when you return to them. And remind yourself that they are enjoying several fresh faces during the day and this is probably better than you on your crabby days!

I got a job

I got a job. This is thought provoking for me on many levels. I am excited to revisit my career, and I am hesitant to do that at the cost of leaving my young children. However, I am picking up something more valuable than money by taking this job and that is health insurance. My husband is not able to have the transplant at the hospital, and with the oncologist he has known for years and by getting new health insurance, I will enable him to do this and have that important comfort level during his procedure. I am doing this for a purpose, and more important than my presence everyday for my kids is the presence of my husband for many days going forward.
This job seems to be meant to be, every aspect of taking this job has flown seamlessly. I already know my boss and I've worked with her before, I don't have to work any weekends at all, which is very unusual in my field, and the salary and benefits are great! Best of all is the beautiful view of the Hudson River from my window... I will place the photos of my husband, my hansom boy and my beautiful girl in front of me, and as my eyes scan my three beauties, from one frame to the next, in between them will be an eyeful of the natural beauty of the river.

Silence is golden

My kids got up at 5am today, which is unfortunately normal for my little one, but Gabby usually wakes up a bit later, about 6, so she was on the cranky side. After many moments of whining, crying and frustrated outbursts, she went down for her nap. And most wondrously following was Marc who needed at nap at the same time. Anyone with kids (or those those who work with kids, God bless you) knows this moment. The sweet intoxicating silence of sleeping babies. It is almost like food...like cake. It is so nourishing and energizing. I don't know why silence is associated with loneliness because that is the last thought that enters my mind when I am enveloped in silence. There is so much I want to do with myself that I can't imagine ever getting to the point of loneliness when there is silence in my world. The sun seems brighter, the floor seems cleaner, the furnace sounds comforting, and my mind seems settled. A mother needs these moments of silence.
And because of this silence to replenish my soul and eardrum tolerance, the little cries that break it, pull me back to their rescue in a nurturing mother's way. As Frankie Valli says, "silence is golden".