G - good kids books about tough topics (a tiny list) #atozchallenge

Good kids books about some tough topics: A tiny list of ones I've used or can think of!

Being bossy:

Ladybug Girl and the Bug Squad

Staying connected to someone - weather by distance or even death:

The Invisible String

A parent who has cancer:

A Purple Card for Papa: When Cancer is in the Family

Moral Lessons:

The Cookie Book: Bite Sized Life Lessons

C- chemo #a to z challenge

Chemo

This is a photo of my husband taking all his chemo and related pills every morning:

Here's an acrostic to go with the segmented visual:

Cure is elusive

Heal when I'm better

Emotional indigestion

Memories of youth and health

Only time

My Pretty Purple Flower

Recently, we did an American Cancer Society walk and they gave survivors a big goody bag with gifts from local businesses. In addition to the big gift bag, we were given a flower. There were a couple options of flowers to choose from - they put about two plants (two sections form a big flat) into a clear plastic bowl and covered it with purple cellophane. I chose a small purple flower because of the purple theme of the event and I put it outside when we got home. I was forgetting about it and left it in that disposable bowl for too long and it was looking like mold was growing on the sides and the flower wasn't so happy. I wanted to do something with it, but I wanted to know what it was before deciding what to do. When I picked it up at the walk, it came with no description card, but after searching through some 'small purple flower' categories online, I have concluded it is something called ageratum or floss flower.

It is an annual who blooms from spring all th way to fall. It doesn't care if you water it, if its in the blazing sunshine or just a bit, it doesn't need to be pruned, and it doesn't care if its in a pot or in the ground. It is the happiest, most resilient little pretty plant I have made friends with. I planted it into a fresh clay pot and it is as happy as a clam.

It is such an appropriate plant for a cancer survivor. It will deal with anything, sub optimal conditions even, if it feels like crap, it still smiles. It is just happy to be alive.

Purple Balloons

Be proud  - I told my kids about cancer :)
I used a walk for the American Cancer Society that we are doing this friday as a topic starter and the car ride as the setting and I think it went well. After my short talk was done, I asked her what she got from what I just said to her, and she told me "purple balloons". Well, this response was reminiscent of the Mary conversation but I was sure that something else had to have sunk in. So after prompting "anything else?" I got these series of answers:
"raise money"
"to help people feel better"
"for medicine"
And when I asked her for what disease we were doing that all for, she did blank out - kind of like the Freudian blank out of adults, but quite unintentional and consistent with any new word thrown at a 5 year old.
But hey, purple balloons to raise money to make people feel better...I think that covers it simply well!

My Radio Revalation

I was driving this morning and listening to my Sirius/XM radio to Doctor Radio which is a show that has various doctors host segments of their specialty - oncology, pediatrics, psychology, etc. And the segment that was on as I was driving Gabriella to school and continuing on my ride back home was a show about kids hosted by psychologists who work with kids and families to achieve emotional well being when a parent has cancer or another chronic illness. Right up my alley! All hosts encourage their listeners to call in and share anything or ask questions pertinent to the topic (some sort of super nurturing breed of very welcoming doctors, they are). So I was all alone in my car on the way to the supermarket and I called in. I asked them if I should tell my kids at 3 and 5 years of age that their father has cancer, even though nothing acute and traumatic is occurring with it at the time. I guess Tom's and my take on the topic has been to not broadcast this cancer thing- and further on my own perspective: I think this because if nothing of note is happening right now, I don't need to broach the subject with these two immature minds that I have. (Especially after my Mother Mary situation which enlightened me to my shortcoming in age appropriate explanations)

So all three docs on the line told me yes, I should tell them and explained to me different resources, approaches and reasons as to why it is a good idea. Some of what I remember is that -we underestimate youth's ability to cope with things, and if we tell them now they will have the knowledge in their bank when it it comes up in the future. She equated it to a parent having diabetes - you would tell the child because it is a part of their life, they'll take medicine daily and make dietary choices because of their disease. In the same respect for us, if daddy goes for a test, it is because he needs to, it is part of his life. I recently watched a TV special on sexual behaviours in youth, and the research shows that the more information a kid has and the younger the kid is that hears it all, the less likely they will be to engage in teen sex. I am taking a similar conclusion from what these experts said - maybe, the more information my kids have about cancer, the better equipped they will be to deal with it emotionally if they need to.


We adults fear and dread the big CA, but kids don't because they haven't seen what it can do yet - the stigma isn't there in a conversation about cancer unless a parent injects their turmoil into their words and tone. If I am able to have a non-emotional conversation with them about how papa has cancer, I think they can come away from it in good standing. The doc also mentioned that if years from now, papa relapses and the kids have more advanced critical thinking skills that they gain with age, they may wonder and feel left out at the fact that no one has ever told them all this time. I also hypothesized that if they have this knowledge in their arsenal for a couple years, it may lessen the likelihood of them blaming it on themselves, as children seem to do with any tragedy, it's my fault. Because they know it has been around for a while, really before they were born, they may deduce that it can't possibly be their fault. I believe that the very kind and knowledgeable woman I was speaking with on the air is Dr. Paula Rauch who wrote a book called Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child When a Parent is Sick, and she directs a center out of Harvard called PACT- Parenting at a Challenging Time- who knew there were so many resources for this situation!

I guess life shouldn't be a secret and there are lots of different "normals" in people's lives - we have a life with Cancer playing a big role and it should be out in the open to teach our kids that nothing is un-talk-about-able (as they said on the radio). Dr. Rauch (I believe) also said that her mantra is "no one should worry alone".

So wish me luck!- one, that I will convey this with an even tone void of pain or fright, and two, that I will start and end this at the kindergarten level. (which one of those is harder??)

Cancer

Every so often, Tom remarks how he is sick of this cancer thing. Recently we realized that he has been dealing with cancer for 10 years. Ten years of cancer. Cancer sucks, and I am sorry that it happens. My advice? You can’t control all the factors that lead to the development of cancer but those that you can, you should. I am not a perfect person and I don’t do everything in the best way, we can all try to do something better than we are doing now. Second, be a good friend, a good sister/brother/daughter, etc to anyone who has to beat down the demon. Cancer has lasting effects – physical and psychological. Don’t forget about your friend or relative when the treatment is over. If you don’t know what to say to someone, say what you feel, what is in your heart. If that is nothing besides, “Geez. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to go through this. What can I do to help?” deliver it genuinely. Third, donate to a cause, show support, give blood, give something… hold someone’s hand. I believe it is so important to be a kind person. You never know when you will need someone to be kind to you and if you are kind to a stranger, you build faith in humanity and maybe it will spread. (And selfishly, it feels very nice to be nice). We each have a profound effect on each other, our attitude and actions have effects on others, undoubtedly. Like the Buddhists believe in this karma, I agree our actions have a bit of a ripple effect on each other.
People appreciate simple things; people appreciate your full attention. Tom stomps on the flowers and I stop to smell them. Everyone deals with this cancer thing differently, I guess you can try to read them and be there how they need you, but I have to believe that kind words, prayers, and helpfulness have to be appreciated by most people. And I guess I wouldn’t think of this, but for my husband he seems to greatly appreciate what people do for me rather than him. Me as the wife of the cancer victim. Me as the mother caring for the young children that we share. So I bet this is true of others dealing with cancer – if you support their family, they feel supported. From my estimation, this probably has two parts for Tom – one is that there isn’t much sometimes that you can give or do for the person dealing with cancer and the treatment – they have to go through the motions and take the drugs and you can’t do that for them. Second is that he wants to feel that if he cant win this battle, then his family is going to be ok and when he sees the support of loved ones, he can be comfortable knowing that we will be ok. A painful subject to broach, but I’ll bet you that anyone who hears that damn diagnosis, these things pass through their heads and for my dear love, he has heard it 4 times now.
We all have room for improvement as humans – and I guess this is important because if you end up with a demon to fight you will know that you lived well and have little you would wish to have done differently if you are forced with the possibility of checking out of here earlier than you want.
Here is my mind on paper this morning as the demon is always around for us. Right now he is sleeping. Sleep tight demon, and never wake up…
Ten years is enough.

The Watch

When we were in Louisiana, Tom felt the node in his groin. A couple months after we moved down there and he started working, he felt the need to make an appointment with an oncologist there. After his appointment, the oncologist wanted to see if anything was going on so he ordered a PET/CT scan. After the scan, we stopped at the most wonderful mall in Houston near the medical center and walked around a bit before heading home. He saw some shoes in The Walking Co. store and he said he wanted to get them because they are supposed to be very comfortable - since he is standing and wearing a lead vest for much of the day, these would be great. He said he would hold off on getting them to wait and see what was going to happen, if he relapsed or not.

When we got engaged, Tom presented me with a beautiful ring. I, in turn, bought him a watch as an engagement gift. This is a tradition that I had no clue about but I guess some women will buy their fiancee an engagement gift, I suppose because a ring costs a lot of money and a nice gift for the man is appropriate. So I decided very easily upon a nice watch that I liked very much. When he got it he loved it as well, but he had some problems with the dial so he ended up taking it back and exchanging it for another watch. Since then, four years ago, he has always said that he would buy that watch again because he misses his "love watch".

So that day when we were home after this trip to the medical center, he made a comment again about that watch- that if everything is OK, he was going to buy it once and for all.

It truly pains me to recollect the feeling of this day because I was really doubtful that anything could be wrong. I thought he was a bit paranoid and I was inherently optimistic. We just moved across the country, Tom took his first job out of his training and after having Gabriella, I was 4 months pregnant with Marco. Of course this wouldn't happen now, how could it?
Needless to say, it did happen and that was the beginning of the next part of our journey on Life Parkway.

I ache that he didn't get that watch. And my attachment to that watch symbolizes health, marriage and his upbeat outlook. Each birthday, Christmas and Anniversary that has come since then has given me the idea over an over to re-buy this watch. But it is an expensive watch so it is not a necessary purchase, and I couldn't quite justify the expense.
Now I am working for the benefit of our team. Now Tom is working for the benefit of our team. And now, I bought that watch for his birthday next week. Yes I did. It is in the basement in its UPS box and I am going to take it out and wrap it up this week that Tom is away working and that watch will be back in our home again. I am not putting an inordinate amount of pressure on this watch to live up to its emotional value for me, but I sure do hope that its dial works this time.

The Node and the Night Club

We understood that the cancer would most likely come back but there is always a twinge of hope in the back of your mind saying that maybe he will be one of those miracles. It's been known to happen. It's funny, with things like that we think we could be the against-all-odds exception, but with other behaviors we always think "that wont happen to me".
Either way, my husband had a positive scan and will require some treatment. Our smooth ride on Cancer Boulevard has hit some traffic. I feel bad Tom has to endure treatment again, but I am hopeful. From the ideas the doctor presented, he selected a chemo regime in a pill form, with an infusion drug that is targeted to a specific antibody that is on the cancer cells. We are curious to see how this new therapy will help. Also, while his blood counts are normal he is unrestricted and can continue to mow the lawn and go out to sushi with his wife ;)
Tom has a lymph node that has grown recently and is causing him discomfort which led us to believe that this scan may very well be positive. I asked the doctor if they could take this damn thing out and he asked me if I had a vendetta for this node. Well maybe I do. I don't like it - it has been around for quite a while and it continues to remind him how he can't live his life. I'm sure that every time he sits down or turns a certain way he feels it. So yes, I don't like it I would like to put out a warrant for its demise. But apparently that is not a logical thing to do being that it is a blood cancer and it travels through the blood and is not isolated to the one specific node or area. So I came up with this analogy - let's say you have a sleazy night club with "sweaty young boys who trying to hook up with girls and experiment with recreational drugs" - you may want to drop a bomb on it one Friday night when it is crawling with these low-lives and dredge - but if you do, and you get rid of these STD-transferring, teenage-impregnating, drug-selling folks, there will still be those same dredge somewhere else, they don't all go to the club and leave the streets clean. So no, they wont remove the damn node. I do understand the reasoning, but it still doesn't appease me.

Social Gatherings

For a rare occasion, my husband and I went out for an evening with friends for a potluck dinner at their house. I can easily decline these types of invitations because I value my sleep and children wake up the same time in the morning regardless of when they go to bed it seems. But I have to admit, I am surprised my husband said he wanted to go and for that reason I jumped on it because I wanted to go and I can make up the sleep. And it came down to the day of the dinner and he still wanted to go! -so we went. It was a nice night- Tom admired the couple's garage doors and stain color and I was fascinated at how clean and well decorated the house was and how my friend (a mom, too) was like a superwoman with house projects of all gender types!
When the food was set up, I got Tom a plate so as to get him out of his conversation and over to the table to eat, and I ended up taking a modest amount of food for him and I, and subsequently he let me know I underfed him. I regret to say that I underfed myself and the food was good. Tom's word of advise is "that's why you never go first". I didn't want to take a lot of food at risk of being a pig and not taking a proportionate amount of food, but I noticed everyone else did not exercise such restraint. Damn it! If anyone knows me, you will know I love to eat and I dream of food and enjoy food and look forward to food. Especially when I get to try new things that someone else made. Oh well, I know for next time...
The same thing is true in a restaurant - if you don't know if your party is an appetizer-and-alcohol-ordering group or they are a strictly-entree-eating group, you need to defer your ordering until one of the "masters" of the group goes so you know what to do. Tough times, I tell you.

The other thing about meeting other people in this gathering is that with men apparently the first and major question you ask them is "what do you do?". And for my sweet, darling husband, he is not working now because he is awaiting the transplant. So he asked me in the car on the way there what he should tell them. So I said either tell them the truth or be vague. His point about the truth was that if you tell the truth you have to tell the whole truth and then you get into a long-winded account that will bring the whole party down to a serious, sad place and no one wants to do that. What I usually tell people at work or elsewhere when they ask me about my husband is that he is not working because we just moved back from Tennessee and I found a job sooner than he did. So inevitable and as predicted, pretty much everyone ask him what he does and where he works - our situation inspires questions, really - why did you move back to NJ after moving south for one year? are you looking for a job? Especially in my husbands profession people seemed to be a bit more inquisitive. But he handled himself wonderfully as he always does - he is a humorous, charismatic, energetic person and it seems that when you joke around it lets you evade things, change subjects easily and distract attention away from yourself. What a skill!
You don't realize how many times you would end up telling people you have an illness in this situation because it is impossible not to come up- you would literally end up telling everyone you met. When your health affects your job - it consumes your life because we work for money and for purpose and you need money to live and purpose for fulfillment. It gets exhausting telling everyone and I now understand that- you don't want to bring the conversation down everywhere you go and people don't really know what to say if you tell them you have cancer because it sucks and they didn't expect to hear that. Thought this is all true, I don't believe you should let it keep you from being social and I am glad my hubby did not last night.

My Roller Coaster

In our situation, I don't know if it's because of cancer or we lead a particularly complicated life, but this life is like a roller coaster. Once you become comfortable with a situation, it will change and life will throw us a curve ball. It is as if we have to be in a defensive stance...waiting...scaning the scene...on your toes. I remember when I used to play basketball, the coaches would tell you to look at the offensive players mid-section when you were on defense. The player may fake you out with their head, or feet, but when that mid-section moves, they are moving too. I guess our "mid-section" is the ultimate treatment, and life afterward. And we may flinch, as is a natural reaction, to the things that get thrown at us, but we have to just keep our eyes on the mid-section. And in regards to the roller coaster, I think my husband is very brave and I love him for everything he does do and doesn't do.
I wrote another poem in which I wrote about our life feeling like a roller coaster sometimes. When you are on a roller coaster, the environment speeds around you, whipping you around turns and inclines, but in your vision, the person sitting next to you is still...because they are moving with you. We are on a roller coaster in a four-person-seat. And no matter how we are tossed around, metaphorically, we are together and the most important images remain still in relation to us.

Fate and Faith

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason, and I had a lot of faith in life and chance. I still do, but to an extent - I used to believe that everything happens for a reason until my husband got cancer, I don't know the reason for that. However, my faith in life does remain and I believe sometimes you are driven or inclined to do things for a reason.
At the church group I joined I learned of another woman who is in the same unfortunately unique situation that I am. In the world of blood cancers, some patients may require a bone marrow or stem cell transplant by harvesting their own cells, blasting them with chemo and putting the hopefully-cancer-free cells back in. If this fails, the patient may then need to have a transplant again but with a donor's cells. I met a woman who's husband just had his second transplant which is what my husband will require now. She is in the place that we will be in a few months... and I have so many questions.
When the director told me about this women, I stared at her in disbelief. I joined this group with a feeling that maybe this is a place where I will find a comfort and support, and I think I may in several ways.
I think to find people in similar situation as you can be very comforting after you realize you are not alone, however, it can be very worrisome as well. What if that person did not fare as well as you will end up and they give you undue fear, or vice versa? If both patients fare well, you may be the best of friends. If one does not, you will mourn for what could have been for you. Yet, you can be a tremendous support because you are still not alone...and may still be the best of friends.