Faith

A friend of mine told me of a group she goes to in which the ladies sit together to discuss a bible reading they completed. Now hearing about this type of bible reading group, or bible study, my first reaction is that this is not for me because I am not the most devout religious person and I have never really read the bible. I do not know who wrote the bible and it seems strange to me to live by a book with an unknown author that is so old that its literal relevance seems minimal to us today. So that is reaction one. Then, this friend tells me again to come to the bible group and throws in the piece about your kids being watched by wonderful volunteers who will even engage them in a bible lesson. OK, so reaction two is a little more favorable....hmm.... maybe I should try that. I will tell you I would not have taken my novice, bible-ignorant self to a bible study if they did not watch my kids 5 feet away from me. But I follow where I believe faith is taking me, and I think that maybe I was meant to come upon this bible study. Maybe I would benefit from some extra doses of peaceful faith at this point. And faith is really the key word I have found thus far. These biblical characters act in ways that are greatly influenced by their faith, or lack of faith, in the Lord. Religion is ALL around you and you can easily choose to ignore it. I heard someone say that you have to seek out your faith and devotion because it is not going to come to you. He said, "Devotion is sticking with something even though it is easier not to".

Faith and devotion is scary though. If you have faith it is comforting to know that someone else has a plan and is in control. But it is scary to know you are not. Weather you call it faith in a higher power, or a conscience, it helps to make us better people. And even if I admittedly joined a bible study because I would have two hours away from my kids....
Well, not completely :) I chose to try it out because 1. I would have two hours away from my kids in a trusted place a few steps from them 2. They will learn about the Lord and have faith in their life (and since I am not an all-consuming verbally faithful person, I am very enthusiastic to give them this opportunity to have faith in their life because all in all, I don't think I include it enough day to day for them to realize how important it is) 3. I like to learn and read and what better book to flip open than the most widely read book ever 4. Maybe I can make some connections and friends with just people.
So I am joking about trading the bible for a babysitter, number 2 is probably my top reason for going, but maybe the Lord had to come visit me in my stay-at-home-mom-being-driven-crazy-some-days-by-my-little-kids-my-husband-has-cancer world for me to pay attention!

Fate and Faith

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason, and I had a lot of faith in life and chance. I still do, but to an extent - I used to believe that everything happens for a reason until my husband got cancer, I don't know the reason for that. However, my faith in life does remain and I believe sometimes you are driven or inclined to do things for a reason.
At the church group I joined I learned of another woman who is in the same unfortunately unique situation that I am. In the world of blood cancers, some patients may require a bone marrow or stem cell transplant by harvesting their own cells, blasting them with chemo and putting the hopefully-cancer-free cells back in. If this fails, the patient may then need to have a transplant again but with a donor's cells. I met a woman who's husband just had his second transplant which is what my husband will require now. She is in the place that we will be in a few months... and I have so many questions.
When the director told me about this women, I stared at her in disbelief. I joined this group with a feeling that maybe this is a place where I will find a comfort and support, and I think I may in several ways.
I think to find people in similar situation as you can be very comforting after you realize you are not alone, however, it can be very worrisome as well. What if that person did not fare as well as you will end up and they give you undue fear, or vice versa? If both patients fare well, you may be the best of friends. If one does not, you will mourn for what could have been for you. Yet, you can be a tremendous support because you are still not alone...and may still be the best of friends.