M - Moving

Moving. We're moving again. Moving and emptying out a house can be both cathartic and stressful. It is an immense project with a beginning and a very clear end. With tangible results, a project can be satisfying. But, there are many layers of stress to this move, as well as the last one that brought us here. For some people growing up, they moved so much, military families, etc. that this is no big deal for them. So I could make a huge deal out of a move, or just take it in stride, like all the other families. 

When I was unpacking this last time, I would rip off the tape on each box so that if packed again, the box would have fresh tape and adherence. I remember thinking that each time i took off the tape, a bit of box fuzz would go with it. I ripped and flattened, ripped and flattened, and came to think that with each move, we lose a little piece of our self, like the box. With each move, our core feels weakened a bit. 

But, each time we feel weak, we are actually getting stronger. Each box that looses some of its fuzzy soul learns to still hold the same contents. Each half millimeter gone allows the box to ask for help and accept an extra strip of packing tape it wouldn't have normally needed. It goes from "I'm strong, I'm perfect, I can handle it, I meet my edges perfectly, no big deal" to "I'm not so rigid now, I'm tolerant and flexible.Yes, I'll take a little extra tape."

So, in a way, we've been torn and drawn from moving so much, but in another we are resourceful and quite adaptable, which in this world, makes us stronger.

Every House Tells a Story

As I exist in this house, I am taking in their choices in wall paper, color, and other architectural and design things and I realize that a house says alot about a person. Are they afraid to make bold choices, or are they fearless? Do they like bold and big furniture and structures, or safe bets that they wont get sick of? Do they choose quality and put together everything completely, or do they skimp here and there just to get it done and move on? Are they that attentive to detail? The only variable to my amature character description of the previous owners is that some things like the lighting- I don't know if it is a crazy, unusual choice, or if it is something common to the French Provincial, Louisiana architecture. And other things, like a separate ice making machine in the kitchen - is this common in nice homes, or down here because it's hot, or is this something this couple has always wanted and finally put it in the home they planned out together.
I think this couple was not afraid of bold choices, and was family oriented. I think they cared less if some crayon got on the floor or some nail polish splashed on the cabinet. I think they also didn't care if the dishwasher didn't fit quite right and you had to thrust it with your hip as you closed it each time. I think husband and wife wanted their privacy and some romantic comforts, but they also wanted their children to be happy and enjoy themselves. I can tell which areas are frequented by a man and which walls have looked mostly upon a women. It is interesting to infer all this, but also very limited because this house is but a chapter, or even the titles of the chapters of a book, with all the words and pages and content missing to make it all make sense. I can take this house that we are moving into now and make my inferences while comparing it to the equivalent in our own house in New York, because our house says quite a bit about us. I think I make pretty good sense.
So yes, there are left over imprints of mess and signs of life in this house. But as I always used to say to justify my mess as a teenager, a mess simply says that you were focused on other things. (or maybe its that you don't care, but I like to think the latter is true for most) So it is true now that I would have tried to scrape off the nail polish on my nice bathroom cabinets, or use a magic eraser to clean up my children's destruction, I hope that this couple did not because they were so engaged in each other and the family that that was the last thing from their mind.

Free Agent!

So after almost two years, I put in my resignation from my job and I am now a free agent! We are planning to move to Louisiana around May so I will be getting ready for that and spending some much enjoyed time with my husband and kids. I do not yet miss working, but when we do finally move, I would like to work part time.
We have not had it easy this past couple years and I hope for things to be a bit more peaceful going forward.
With my first chunk of time that i have in front of me in which i do not have to ask someone if I can go somewhere or not, the kids and I are flying to LA to see where Tom has been working and check out the house we decided to rent. Wish us luck...flying is always fun with kids as well as a big empty house with no toys and no routine...

NY vs. LA

My husband has been travelling back and forth to Louisiana and here every other week. I have gotten used to not having him around, which I am convinced is not a necessary skill to learn while one is still married. Why? Because it allows you to believe you don't need that person, and that you will be OK without them. We should need each other as much as we can when we are together, there is no sense to ration what we have at our fingertips, emotionally and otherwise. I am a person who was raised to be independent and self sufficient, but the thought that that will be a required skill in the future is altogether comforting and painful.
Aside from this reflection, we may move to Louisiana sometime within the next year and Tom can start working there full time. I am ok with moving - it is a multi faceted decision that seems beneficial for the team.
I have fond memories of living in Louisiana because we were a close team, a strong team, and somehow people seem nicer down there and the gentle energy spreads. Where as in New York, you have to seek out peaceful people because they are hard to find. I think that energy gets under your skin. The skin that is covered up in a million layers of clothing in the four bitterly chilly months of a New York winter. For me, it is easier to deal with thick heat that feels like you are standing in the exhaust stream and radiator output of a big bus, than the freezing, dry, bone-chilling cold of the winters here. Either choice, you get 4 months of uncomfortable temps and environment. There has to be less seasonal affective disorder down there, luckily I don't suffer from it, but the grump and deterrence to go outside does prevail for me.